Every now and then I post a blog called A.'s advice. it's not like I'm a columnist, trying to convince my readers to see my points of view. truth the matter is, this A.'s advice is a mental note for me. I write this for myself. why? because what I write in A.'s advice are all eye-openers. what I write about in A.'s advice are all about my personal moments of clarity. moments that opened my eyes and made me realize something. sometimes this realization can be as simple as understanding the dynamics of a social situation, and sometimes my realizations go way beyond my own understanding. indeed, sometimes my realizations become so abstract and difficult to grasp, but that nonetheless makes them true. not true in the objective scientific sense of the word, but they are true because they work for me. every single thing I write about in A.'s advice is valuable. I stand behind my words, I stand behind every sentence and every letter I write. I wouldn't write this down if I didn't feel it is worth writing about.
As you all know, in the last couple of years I've been actively in search of "the good life"; living life to the fullest. I'm dedicating my life living the carpe diem lifestyle. truth the matter is, most people don't accurately understand the meaning of carpe diem. they associate carpe diem with a crazy, wild, hedonistic lifestyle, full of sex, drugs and alcohol. when they speak of "seize the day", they feel like being overly outgoing or extravagant. this is not necessarily true, this is not what carpe diem entails. carpe diem is a state of mind that needs to be activated in all situations. carpe diem is a mode, a way of perceiving life. not just the wild party-life, but life in all of its aspects.
Lately I'm going out a lot. call it clubbing, call it socializing, no matter how you call it, truth is that it was just a couple of years ago that I'm fully enjoying it. before that, I didn't really knew what I was doing. I didn't feel in my element in this big scary dance-club. nobody likes to admit it. for me, -in the beginning- when I was first started going out, I had no fucking clue what to do there and how to behave. guys, we all know how it went when we were younger. we entered the club -that is, IF the doorman let us in- and once we were inside, we just stood at the side watching other people having fun. this was what clubbing was all about.
And I was not satisfied with the way things went. I thought to myself: why are other guys having so much fun, especially with girls, while I'm standing here at the side like a FOOL?!! I decided things had to change.
And things changed alright ;)
Now I myself am one of those guys who walks up to girls and starts talking with them, gaming them, getting IOI's and getting LAID the same night! so what changed? how did I start as a young guy who had no clue what to do and changed into a guy who gets regular p*ssy? the key to my success lies it the definition of this word -success-. what you have to understand is that you need to perceive yourself as a success. success is a magical concept. magical in the sense that there is no objective definition of it. success in its very nature is subjective. this means that it is subjected to you as a person. you control how successful you are. additionally, you also control how successful you want to become! success itself is an empty concept, it is you who must give meaning to it. you are the measure of your own success.
Success becomes reality by way of visualizing it. by way of imagining your thoughts and ideas regarding success and seeing it happen. you literally must SEE your success (in your mind) before it can become a real thing. you actively need to visualize what you want to achieve. the more detailed your idea, the more likely it is to happen. but be ware.. I deliberately speak of visualizing and not of fantasizing! don't fantasize about your delusional world, but visualize the world you live in and think of realistic means to modify it. it has no use to imagine the playboy-lifestyle, because those thoughts are grounded in dreamy concepts and NOT in reality. truth is, the more you can visualize your actual success, the more likely you are to get it. think about it, if you can visualize something in details, seeing it happen in real life, you WILL get it. it is not realistic to visualize leaving the club with a hot girl if you never even kissed a hot girl. it is not realistic to visualize kissing a hot girl if you don't even have the balls to approach her and talk with her in the first place! what I try to tell you is that your concepts of success need to be grounded in reality and not in dreamy concepts.
On the image above you see two philosophers; Plato on the left and Aristotle on the right. whereas Plato represents dreamy concepts of ideal forms, pointing his finger upwards to the heavens, so does Aristotle gestures to the Earth, representing a down-to-earth philosophy. the initial stage of being successful in whatever it is you do, requires self-knowledge. it requires a down-to-earth perspective of yourself grounded in reality. once you fully accept who you are, only then are you able to truly develop yourself.
Once I realized this, my perspectives have tremendously changed. take the club-example.. nowadays when I enter a club, I immediately feel at home. matter of fact, I feel so much at home that I automatically fall in the role of a host! it's strange, but I look at my fellow-clubbers and think of them as guests in my house! this is rather peculiar, given the fact that I don't even know these people. for example the other night I was at a club, talking to a girl.. but in the same time I was socializing with other people and with the personnel. she thought that I was some kind of club-promoter and she told me she felt very comfortable in my presence. this demonstrates once again how comfortable I feel in this environment. the great thing about clubbing is that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. think about this for a second.. everything what you can think of, can become reality! THAT is my biggest eye-opener I had in a long time.. I don't have to go into details, but I can assure you that the wildest things can happen when you're in a club... and especially right after you leave. these are the things that guys standing on the side will never see.
But my realization went even further.. because if I get so much attention in this environment and if I feel so much at home in this scene, why would it be any different in another setting? indeed, when I enter a club, I immediately get a sense of home-feeling.. if I'm this successful in clubs, then I can also be this successful in "real life". my challenge: feeling like this everywhere I am and everywhere I go!!
A wise man once told me that life is one big party, you just have to hang the balloons yourself.
-Let's hang some balloons-
Lately I've been experimenting with the concept of feeling at home, and feeling comfortable, no matter where I am. in a way, this is a way of approaching life. my advice to you: from this point on, no matter where you are, or with who you spend time, make yourself feel the center of your environment, make yourself the sun that shines light upon the Earth, make yourself feel at home -no matter where you are-!!
To do this, first think about how you behave in your own environment; how do you behave at home? the first thing I do when I come home, is take off my clothes and put on a pajama. is this cool? not necessarily, but why would I want to be cool; I'm just at home. this is the paradox; you don't need to be cool, you can just wear your pajama's; you are carefree and comfortable and exactly THAT makes you be cool! try to feel at home in every building, every shop, every venue; just everywhere.
When you enter the buss, don't think of it as a scary object where you have to be quiet and just look in front of you. no, think of the buss as your house. the question you should ask yourself: how do you want to experience your buss-ride? you want to be a passive passenger, lost in his own thoughts, waiting to reach his destination? or do you want to experience the buss-ride carpe diem style? the buss IS your house. it is you. for the time that you are present in the buss, the buss is YOUR house. so what do you do? well, the first thing you could do is give a warm greet to the buss-driver. not because it's the polite thing to do, but because he is another resident of YOUR house. think of the buss-driver as a member of your family. a very important member for that matter; he is the person who will take you from point A to point B. he is your friend, the steersman of YOUR ship. once you are inside the buss, you don't need to stand all uncomfortable; why would you? you are in your house remember? just make yourself feel at home, take off your jacket and start appreciating the birds outside.
The same is true when you enter the supermarket. when I enter this big playground, the first thing I always notice are the customers who are lost in their own thoughts, always in a hurry. this is not carpe diem. carpe diem is about seizing the moment you are experiencing in the now. right now, you are in the supermarket. don't hurry, you don't need to run, there is no need for stress. you are in your house, remember? ;) if you feel like it, grab a banana and use it as a gun, shooting your girlfriend. play cowboy with her, she will like it. your supermarket-experience can be a very FUN experience. every aisle has new objects; use watermelons to play volleyball, use cola bottles and pretend it's Excalibur. there are no limits, you can do whatever you want. you are in your house. the supermarket is just a whole world full of mystery and excitement. you think I'm crazy now because I talk about the supermarket as if it's a tropical foreign country? if you think it's crazy, then clearly you don't understand the meaning of carpe diem ;).
Yesterday again an "aha-moment". I entered the university's examination-room to do my exam. university is not as easy as I make it out to be. truth is, if you don't study, you will not make it.. but to continue my story, I entered the examination-room and the first thing I noticed was a remarkable aura of nervous energy. it was absurd. I saw more than 500 of my fellow students and the expressions on their faces was that of stress. whereas when I came in, I entered the venue with a big smile on my face. why did I smile? because I felt so much at home there! I understand that exams are difficult and it's only natural to feel a healthy sense of stress and adrenalin. but don't forget to smile. don't let the stress take you over, don't let it consume you. try to open your senses to let positive energy flow through your veins. let the positive flow of carpe diem into your body, mind and soul. by doing this, your exam-grades will be so much higher than they are now.
After the exam we went to the university's restaurant and this is what happened: I noticed some fresh-baked croissants presented on a silver platter and it looked exceptionally appetizing. naturally I wanted to eat one. I walked towards the shiny silver platter and reached out for one of those delicious croissants. I held it in my hand, feeling the texture of this mouth-watering delicacy. my instinctive impulse informed me to take a bite of this croissant.. so I did. by the time I reached the pay desk, I already finished the croissant -so I didn't even pay-. the moral of this story is not that I'm a thief, the moral is that I just feel comfortable and I feel at home EVERYWHERE I am. when I'm at home and I feel like eating a croissant, I don't think, I just do. given the fact that I perceive the university's restaurant as my home, why would it be any different? to make the story even more crazy.. one of the waiters saw the whole thing and he noticed how I was devouring the croissant without paying for it. he came to me -angry- WHILE I was eating it and he asked me what the hell I'm doing. I told him that I'm eating a delicious croissant and told him to compliment the chef-cook. he got even more angry and asked me why I eat something I didn't pay for. on which I simply replied that I was hungry and I felt like eating it now, rather than to stand in the queue and eat it later. he walked away -still angry-. obviously he didn't understand the essence of carpe diem ;).
I think of a club, a buss, a supermarket and a university as big playgrounds. matter-of-fact, I perceive the entire world as one big playground. the trick is to make yourself be the main character of your world. given the topographical fact that you live on planet Earth, you must perceive the entire world as your house. if you convert this thought into decisive action, you will experience life in a completely different way. you will feel fearless; why would you be afraid in your own house? you feel extremely self-confident and comfortable in every environment; why would you feel uncomfortable in your own house?
This perspective might be a bit extreme and exaggerated, but that's ok. it's about understanding the essence of it. it's about understanding that once you feel comfortable -no matter where you are- you have more freedom and you can do whatever you want! just like in your own house, where you are free to be yourself and do whatever you want.
x A.
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