True story

Recently, G. wrote the post 'Why so pussy...' and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the fact that men are from Mars and women from Venus. Obviously this is just a popularized phrase, yet it is one that everyone seems to understand without understanding it. In light of keeping it worldly, I decided to share some funny stories here on the www and when I say funny it means it's funny to me and it might not be to you. If it's not, then what are you doing here?

  

Act 1: de Bijenkorf

This is what should have happened:

On the third floor of the Bijenkorf there is a tailor/steaming service. I was there to pick up my suit when all of the sudden I see this girl in a dress. I'm not an expert on dresses, but it seemed like some sort of prom dress/ gala dress to me. She looked great in it and she had a killer body. She was there to customize the dress. I had to say something, otherwise I would regret it. It doesn't happen to me that often that I meet a 10, so I said to her: "Hi, you look beautiful in that dress. Are you going to wear it when we go out tonight?" She starts smiling and she has a beautiful smile too. I think I'm in love. "Sure!" she says, "But only if you wear that suit ;)" We meet in the evening, both dressed up and it wouldn't be long before we undressed.

This is what really happened:

The first part is actually true. And it's also true that I said something, simply because I had to say something. So I said: "Nice dress!" And she was smiling at me as if she wanted me to say more. But I didn't. I just said she had a nice dress, which was true, but after that I ran out of words to say. Why didn't I continue the conversation? What more could I have said to her? It doesn't happen to me often that I don't know what to say once I start talking. I guess I was overwhelmed by her looks, which also doesn't happen to me that often. Of course, afterwards I came up with 1000 things that I could have said. If only I had more time. But time is money and time is always running out, so I picked up my suit and walked away… stupid.

  

Act 2: still de Bijenkorf

This is what should have happened:

As I was taking the escalator and contemplating about what just happen (or didn't happen), I was surprised that I didn't escalate the situation. In the same time however, life goes on and I shouldn't dwell in the past for too long. So as I was about to leave the Bijenkorf I see this other girl, an employee of de Bijenkorf, who also looked extremely hot. She was a brunette with Eastern European features, well dressed and obviously every guy would notice the well shaped form of her tits. I think I'm in love again ;P. Note: she was petite and probably has silicones, but it wouldn't be the first time that I've been with a girl with silicones and it surely wouldn't be the last time. What's wrong with fake tits? Nothing. I had nothing to lose, so I opened and asked her: "Excuse me, where can I find the Armani Attitude? (of course I knew where to find it, since I bought it 1000 times before; it’s only an opener). "Right over there." she said, pointing at the Giorgio Armani section. Eye contact was set. So I walked over to the Armani section, sprayed some Attitude on me, walked back to this girl and asked her if she liked the scent. She leaned towards my neck to smell it and she said she liked it (obviously she has to say it, because she works there). We started talking about perfumes and she recommended me to try out Gucci by Gucci. Before I knew it, I asked her what time she finishes work. "At 6" she said. "Sounds good, why don't I pick you up around 6 so we can go somewhere for a drink?" I said. "Wow, you're fast. Are you always this progressive?" she asked me. "No, I usually ask for the number first. Can I have yours?" "Sure, here it is." she said.

Here's what really happened:

She never gave me her number.

Act 3: Victoria Hotel, Lounge

What should have happened: 

My bro and myself had a long day in the center and wanted to chill and have a drink at the lounge of Victoria Hotel, which is one of my favorite places to relax. As we were clowning around the way we always do, I notice a girl who is eyefucking me. No, it's not my imagination, she was continuously eyefucking me on an interval basis, because that's how the dynamics of eyefucking operate. Our table was in the middle of the room and she was with her mother (or aunt or older female friend, I guess) in the corner table on my left. I knew that she would go along with my game if I would start, but the “problem” is that her table is all the way in the corner and our table was in the middle. The other “problem” was that she was with her mother, who by definition ought to cockblock me. But fear not, because I fear nothing. So I walked to their table, directed myself to the mother and said: "I'm sorry for interrupting your conversation, but I couldn't help noticing that your daughter has the most beautiful smile. It would be my pleasure to show her around Amsterdam, if that's ok with you of course." "My oh my," the mother said, "Well of course it is. I'm sure my daughter would love to be in the company of such a polite and charming young man such as yourself!" I introduce myself both to the mother and the daughter. Not long after that, the daughter and myself disappear into the night. The next morning she wakes up next to me in bed and tells me she loves Amsterdam. Well, Amsterdam loves you too.

What really happened:

I wasn't bold enough to interrupt the conversation between mother and daughter, even though she would rather have a conversation with me, hence the eyefucking. Although I didn't approach her directly, my bro -who was pushing me to make a move- and I came up with a plan that I would take a seat at the bar near her in order to “naturally” start an “innocent” conversation. So as I took a seat at the bar, she looked at me and smiled, as if she was relieved that I finally made a move. One second before I wanted to open my mouth, the bartender cockblocks me, telling me the bar is closing and I have to pay. I didn't had any cash on me, so I had to pay with card. However, the cash dispenser was all the way at the other end of the bar. So without making a whole fuzz about it, I paid the bill and we left. And by 'we' I don't mean the daughter and me.

Moral of the story: 

Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm getting rejected 24/7. The opposite in fact is true. These are just the main “failures” I had lately. I could have written a success-story with the same ease, but I don't want to hurt your feelings ;P. It's very easy and perhaps better for my image to write about my successes, but I'm caring less and less about a concept as meaningless as 'image'. I care about learning from mistakes and ironically I don't even call them mistakes. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. It's as simple as that. And in terms of learning, there is not much to learn from success, but there is a great deal to learn from failures. It's like Russell Crowe once said: "If you're not thinking about pussy, then you're just not concentrated." How concentrated are you?

R. party

The story about a tropical island

Just came back from the Dominicana and I've learned many things there. Again, just like I did the other time, I must salute G. Always DHV, nothing more to say old friend!

To give you an idea of how many memory sticks we had to smuggle to record this footage; we have 1313 pictures and 259 movies… and we were there 14 days tops! I guess one hundred pictures a day keeps the doctor away? In order to put this post together I therefore must selectively highlight some highlights of the trip. But how to highlight an entire trip? This entire time was fully used. The power of now, chapter 3 ;).

To start, the Dominican Republic is not like any other country I've ever been to. I have nothing to compare it with. República Dominicana is unique. Sextourists with yellow teeth everywhere, Gangsters getting shot in Sosúa, 7 people in the guagua to Cabarete to get my hair braided, hustlers on the beach trying to sell you the iPhone or Blackberry, Motoconchos take you to where the magic happens… and magic is what happens when vacation happens. Coconut juice on the playa, feeding fish, smoking Dominicanas or marihuanas in the cities. The cops are on your side. They are paid to protect the tourists. It's a small city.

Checking out some waterfalls or going to the jungles? Options are a great thing to have, especially when you negotiate about prices. Whether it's a salesman or a hustler, everyone wants as much of the peso as possible. I have learned how to be sharp during this vacation. You need to watch your back and I'm not saying that to scare you. D.R. is dangerous as well. We got in a very heated fight with conartist V. We were in unfamiliar territory and I don't want to go into the depths of my adrenalin boost at the time, but all I can say is that he threatened to shoot me. It was strange for me to hear this phrase. A guy looks deep in my eyes and says he will shoot me. When he spoke the words, I was shocked, frozen and hot in the same time. Never had anyone ever said something like that to me. In that moment I instinctively felt that I needed to kill him one second before he would kill me. I looked in his eyes. I was so fucking SHARP! An incredible feeling. This was it. Is my time now? It gave me an energy boost unlike anything else. If he would make one wrong move, I would take him. I know how to do it. And he knew it too. He saw it. Our eyes were fighting, or foreseeing the fight. Luckily the fight never took physical form, because what's the point of fighting against the bullet of a gun?

Maybe I am blessed, maybe I am not. Would it matter? What matters is playing bat & ball @ the playa, at the jungle and at the ATM. Did I not mention we played the game at the airport? And that the airport security was not happy with that? Yes, rum 75%, rolling all day, every day. ASD or DHV, which one best describes this vacation? It is indeed hard to tell, especially if you have no clue of what I speak. It's irrelevant. It's how it is. Meeting new people all the time and I love all the new people we've met. I will not forget you, because you are in my facebook and there even is a small but possible chance that you're reading this right now ;). Como estas! Si, mi hablar Espanola un pocito agora hah?! Quanto peso amigo? Chao.

Whether it's drinking fresh coffee in the mountains of Puerto Plata -and by fresh I don't mean Starbucks-, or drinking cold Dasani in a stripclub at Pedro Clisante; always stay sharp. Poverty lures around the corner since the local economy runs on criminal activities. Not to downplay D.R., not at all. Matter of fact, I have great respect for the citizens of D.R. When I earlier said that we made friends, we made friends.

The great advantage of crossing the boarders is that you get to learn new ways of life, new gestures, new habits, new cultural perspectives and new eye-openers. I recommend everyone to travel as much as possible or at least 2 times a year. You learn a lot about yourself and about others. You become more of what you are.

I can go on if I want, but why surpass the moment if the time is now? This always remains the story about a tropical island.

 Cerveza ∆ Schiphol Airport

12 hours later; Baco ∆ Alejo Martinez

New location

New braids

∆ Playa Sosua

Sooner or later the sun goes down

And the night comes up

According to the pyramid, the human animal cannot continue to function without breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis and excretion. These physiological needs are basic requirements for human survival, so let's keep it basic.

They call me Aquaman

 ∆ Cabarete

Since he came down from the trees, man has faced the problem of survival, not as an individual but as a member of a social group. His continued existence is testimony to the fact that he has succeeded in solving the problem; but the continued existence of want and misery, even in the richest of nations, is evidence that his solution has been, at best, a partial one. Yet man is not to be too severely censured for his failure to achieve a paradise on earth. It is hard to wring a livelihood from the surface of this planet. It staggers the imagination to think of endless efforts that must have been expended in the first domestication of animals or in the discovery of planting seed.

Soldato

Now you see why they call me Aquaman 

But even if you don't, everyone tries to communicate

Everyone tries to convince you

Everyone tries to be cool

But we should all just keep it cool

And check out.