"Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers"

Yesterday was the first time since ages that i got up early in the morning. it was miserable as hell. i am a night person and normally i go to bed around 3.00 in the night and i wake up around 13.00 in the afternoon. yesterday i had to get up at 6.30 and my whole cycle was messed up. i couldn't sleep and at 4.00 i was still dancing in my bed.
the reason i had to get up at this ridiculously early moment in time, was because i had exam.
it was about marketing and persuasive communication. i have a good feeling about it and i'm sure i passed it.
As a matter of fact, i was so happy that i went with a friend to the shopping center. i was looking for new shoes (work-shoes for Escape). i didn't find good ones, but i bought a leather jacket and a nice shirt. actually i already had the same shirt, but i bought the same one again because i like it so much.

When i woke up today, the first thing i did was checking the online exam-results and guess what: out of the 40 questions i answered 37 correctly. it seems that exams nowadays are getting more and more easy. or am i just getting smarter and smarter? hmm.. ;) i told you that studying pays off.. don't study hard; study smart ;)
At 15.30 i went to the center again with another friend. first we were shopping, then took a coffeeshop, did a J., drank a cup of tea and played a game of chest. after that, we did what we came to the center for: reading a book in the library. the library is a perfect place to chill and read a book in peace. we stayed there for about 3 hours. i got wiser there and i really must do it more often. its exactly like the British politician Joseph Addison once said: "reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." so i recommend all you lazy fools to gain some knowledge and read a book. life is too short to stay ignorant.

A night to remember

Friday night, 23 January... This night will go down in history as a night to remember!!! hahaha it was the night when the stars were shining bright, it was the night when the Venus entrance was tight, it was the night of the white light*, the birthday-party of G... it was quite a delight ;)

First we went bowling and drank some beers. (that is not the 'delight' -don't worry-;). after that, we went to Club Panama. let me tell you, in my life i have been to many clubs and many party's (I even work in a club)... but THIS party was the greatest of all!! i never enjoyed myself so much in a club. i even had to recover -mentally and physically- from the blow ;) now i must admit, it was the first time that i used the white light* ;) while being in a club and yes, it was fucking amazing!!! i wish i could write all the adventures i experienced there and all the various things i did, but hahaha you wouldnt believe me. i dont even believe it myself!! :D it was never so extreme and so full as then. i now understand the absolute meaning of 'being in the center of attention', with all consequences that go with it!

What happened in Panama, stays in Panama ;)

After the party, we went to a hotel and chilled some more ;)

A night like this, can only happen a few times in a persons life. it's damaging and the next day you'll feel the effect. but it was a price well payed for a powerful experience.

* Thanks to everyone who made it possible!

With love,

A.

Wicked Jazz Sounds

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn"

Yesterday it was freezing, so i went to Escape by car. i didn't had enough change with me for the parking-meter and i wasn't in the mood to pin money. i knew that i was taking a risk and that my car could be removed...

And exactly that happened.

At 7.00 in the morning when it was even colder than the night before, i found out that my car wasn't where i left it :P.

Today i picked up my car and i had to pay 280 euro for it!!

But i learned a valuable lesson and it has no use to grumble like a sourpuss :P. or like David DeAngelo would say: ''Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn." i'm already moving on, especially because tonight i'm going to Club Sugar Factory where my favorite jazz artist -Nicola Conte- is performing! tomorrow you'll read about it ;)

Thoughts

This was a day of thoughts. i think so much lately, its almost like sporting now. i'm thinking about life and how i want my life to be. i have so many dreams and goals but i'm still so young and i don't see things clear and how i can reach it. my main thoughts are -how else can it be- about the love of my life... the situation has escalated so much that i fear the outcome. i'm already imagining life without her!! its not even that i want it to be like that, but i'm afraid its slipping out of my hands. every time i talk to her, i'm just getting destructive and so is she. and we are both too proud to be mature and take the upper hand of the situation. i didn't call her for many days and everyday that i don't call her, i feel sick to my stomach. i want nothing more than to just listen to that beautiful voice (she really has a nice, nasal voice and when we talk i even get horny :P). i love to listen to her and to look at her, but in the same time she hates me for what i did... God knows -and i don't even believe in the holy man/woman) that she is the most valuable girl to me and she really is my favorite person of all! i know this girl as a sweet angel, but lately i have seen a side of her that makes me be afraid to show myself to her. its the kind of girl who would climb mountains just to make you happy, the kind of girl who would cross oceans just to make you smile, but its also the kind of girl that will drop you like a meaningless brick... its so overwhelming that i cant think straight.

I can go on and on about this girl and i can say for a fact that she is my other half. i know that she feels the same about me, but she reminds me time after time that i have to keep impressing her. she makes me be aware of the fact that all those good things about her, can also be to someone else, if i don't take care of her... now comes the twist... i'm very proud and stubborn and i'm pushing my buttons with this girl... its so childish of me and totally not mature, but yet i get 'pushed' in this defensive mode, while i don't even wanna be there...

And its not even that i don't know what to do, its just that i want her to 'appreciate' every little thing what i do (i'm very result-driven and if i don't see any result -even when in fact it is there- than i get angry, like a small child who doesn't get what he wants immediately). for example, already 5 times by now, i sent her flowers via the post. i don't wanna go into details, but my wallet got hurt during the transaction ;) already after this, i expected her to naively fall in love all over again and she would be floating on the clouds. hahaha if only things were that easy ;) just a flower and a drink ;) besides that, one of my mayor character flaws is my lack of patience. so she is really putting me to the test.
she knows that there is nothing that i wouldn't do for her, its just that i want us to already be at the point that i have in my mind. for example now, i have to wait 3 weeks before i can see her, because she goes to fucking India. i mean, i know that she wants to see the magical Sai Baba, but doesn't she wants to experience some of my own Indian tantra magic? :P and of course she wants to see the Taj Mahal, but i wanna see her Taj Mahal (A). if only i could see her one day and one night in a row, i could really establish something. even such a 'normal thing' (between a couple) is so difficult because of the (long-distance)situation and her living with her parents -who happen to hate me-.

Maybe i shouldn't be so stubborn and spoiled and just make her see that i can be her prince on a white horse, but in this case it would be a old, Grey donkey... my white horse is just waiting to jump, but she wants me to fly with an old Grey donkey.
sounds impossible? > I'm possible.

To be continued...

Yesterday was a fun day!

I woke up yesterday morning and i felt it would be a good day. the sun was chirping and the birds were shining. after i ate breakfast, i went to the bookstore and i bought the book 'Liefhebben' (To love). its not a book about about romance, but about how to reach 'supernatural sexuality'. basically its a book about how to improve your sex life/sex skills or however you wanna call it. not that i necessarily need improvement, but i think that one is never old enough to learn ;).
i bought this book with coupons that i won at my university. there was a kind of 'contest' and you could win 20 euro book-coupons. the contest was about knowledge of literature and you had to use the knowledge you had about books and authors and then create your own 'point of view'. of course i knew how to impress the girl who was the judge and she told me i was the winner and within 15 minutes i got my 20 euro coupons ;)

So like i was saying, i bought this book about sex (one of my favorite subjects) and after that i did a good deed for my brother. you see, because i'm a student i get a student-travel-card and i can use public transportation for the entire year for free. my brother doesnt have this card. so what i did, i went to the post-office to say that my card was stolen (of course it was not stolen, but i also want my brother to be able to use buses for free ;). i had to fill out a document, but i didnt know that i needed an official police stamp. so i headed to the police station and i asked for a stamp. initially they didnt wanna give me this stamp, because first i had to file a report or some shit. luckily for me, the officer in duty happened to be a female and i gave her my puppy-eyes-look :P. within 15 minutes i left the police station with a stamp on my document ;)

Later that evening i went to the cinema with one of my girlfriends. even tough the movie was not in my top-10, i enjoyed the time that i was spending there :D

hahaha the movie was really bad, but we drank 4 Smirnoff Ice so it got a bit better :P

After this delightful piece of craftsmanship, we went to De Kroon, a lounge spot next to Club Escape. we drank 4 Baileys and had nice conversations. i really enjoyed my time there, also because we spend it in a nice atmosphere.

When i came home and drank my third glass of Disaronno Originale, i was contemplating about my day. even tough my day was so nice, i cant stop thinking about my girlfriend... i almost went to Warsaw yesterday, but it feels so wrong because nothing is in place. i don't feel that i'm wanted there and i don't think that by going there, i will be able to put things in place. if only i felt that by going there, i could fix all problems, i already would be there by now. going there is not the solution.

My father once told me 'don't fight a battle when you know you'll not win'. i know that I'll not win this battle. (and i deliberately say 'battle', not 'war') because a battle can only be won if you master the situation and if luck is on your side... i don't own the situation, nor am i lucky...

I just need ONE opportunity, one real chance, one shot, one good card...

For now, its out of my hands and i can only await the move of the hands of time.

for what is time, if there is no love?
without love there is no life...
my life is you,

only you.

W. difficult

Today i was in a fight with my girlfriend. i wanted to come to Warsaw but she said she has no time for me because she has exams this week. what is more, next week she goes to India for 3 weeks with her parents so i'll not see her for another month. last time i saw her was end October!! can you believe that shit?!? she doesnt understand that i can not live without her and that i'm getting crazy here!!

We used to see each other every month!! and now i dont know if i'll ever see her again!!
what is more, it seems as if temptation around me is getting more and more.. i want to be with her so much but it seems impossible..

But like my friend G. always says: Impossible is nothing.

So i'll not cheat on her or have sex with other girls but soon this situation has to change...
after this frustrating thought, i went to the Middenweg and bought myself a nice pair of Hugo Boss shoes.


Why does love has to be so fucking complicated? all i want is to chill with my girly and take her to a nice little restaurant and talk about life, philosophy, happiness and what more and after that have a lot of sex. is that too much to ask for?


I mean, wouldnt you get crazy if you cant see such a beautiful girl?

To be continued...

New year party @ my place

It's now already 3 days ago and this is my first moment of relaxation. now i can finally write about my new year.

31 December 2008: at 11.00 my lil' brother called me and said: 'listen man, we should really do something crazy tonight. i dont wanna spend new year doing nothing'. of course i was still asleep and said: 'yeah man you're right'. and than he told me to call some people and said that we would give a party at our place tonight. i said; 'yeah man you're right' :P and we hang up the phone. i called some people -i called my friend G. and 5 girls and i said that there would be a party tonight at my place.
at 16.00 we started organizing things and purchasing things for the party. i say 'purchasing' because we didn't buy it ;) all i can say is that the self scanners at Albert Heijn are a blessing and basically we purchased € 500 on alcohol - A LOT OF ALCOHOL-, drinks, chips, pizzas etc. and we paid a total of € 75. God bless AH.

We stashed it on the balcony in my mothers house
where the party would take place later on ;)

At 20.00 we went to my fathers house where we would celebrate the countdown. we didnt do much, just some quality time with family (playing cards, playing chest, eating nice new year food etc.) at 24.00 we hugged each other and wished each other all the best for 2009...
it was in this moment when i could cry, because my girlfriend wasnt with me...
i'll tell you in time more about my girl, but what it comes down to is that she lives in Poland, Warsaw, and we have a long distance relation for 2 years already. she is the love of my live and i hate it that she couldnt be there with me.. i miss her.

(This is a picture of me and my sweety in Thailand, Koh Samui, Silver Beach)

But anyway, at 00.30 my father gave us a ride to my mother's house where the party would go on till 10.00 next morning :P hahaha the party was extremely well organized: we took the laptop downstairs with a tremendous sound system, the fireplace was on, the bottles were cold ;) and the party could begin. the first person came at 01.00 when i was still preparing myself and putting make up and all that shit ;). later, more guests came and when everyone was there (at 03.00) we were with 20 people. more people planned to come but they were drunk in Amsterdam center and didnt show up :P.

My brother and myself were the hosts of the night
and we made sure everyone had a marvelous time.

Not only did we drank, we also took the liberty to take some x. my other brother was in charge of the 'smoking area' (his room) :P all the smokers went to his room where they all used a LOT of weed/hash/vaporizer. that night he had more in his room than a coffeeshop.
later he also made food for all the guests. he made delicious salmon, very nice chicken with cocos, rice and some nice sauce.

Later that night T. was sleeping with me. she is so super sweet. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

2009 intro

Dear family, friends and fans,

Welcome to my blogspot.

By visiting this site, you'll be able to read about what i do in everyday life and how -and with who- i spend my time. to begin with that notion -time-, i can tell you already now that my life is everything but normal. you'll read it and believe it. ;)