⟁: November 2010

No, I am not here to talk about the fact that I called a girl the other night and asked her to take a taxi to my place. On which she responded that she didn't had money for a taxi, on which I stated that I would pay -though I didn't do that-. Still she replied in my favor, followed by her arrival some minutes later, which ended up in the activity better known as sexual intercourse.

No, I am not here to tell you that. I am here to tell you to never do that when you are drunk.

I don't know what it is, but it seems there is a trend going on regarding the phenomenon ‘booty calls’. Though I incorrectly speak of trend in the literal sense of the word -after all, booty calls were made ever since the first mobile phone was a fact- it is still kind of new to me. I used to have a girlfriend for a long time, so I never had to make booty calls. Yet those days are fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on my mood- over. Now even I have uncovered the magic of making booty calls. And making magic is precisely the purpose of making booty calls.

However, what interests me is not so much what happens after the booty call -sex happens-, my interest was awoken when I placed myself in the mind of a woman. I started thinking why would a girl I hardly know pick up the phone at 4 o' clock in the night -let alone take a taxi to my place- only to take me to greater heights? What girl in her right mind would do such a thing? My guess is a lot of girls. Matter of fact, many more than you might think. Yes, and even those who you at least expect of doing such an “indecent deed”. Or perhaps I am wrong; maybe all girls who sleep with me are out of their mind? But that would mean that a lot of girls are out of their mind. And that would imply a strong correlation between a girl's attractiveness and her mental insensibility, which I tend to believe is not the case.

But who am I to speak about motivations to make booty calls? Who am I to speak about late night summons to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis? For let there be no misunderstanding: a booty call is not an invite to a movie or a dinner, not just coffee, not a casual get-together; just a plain old-fashioned “let's fuck”. Perhaps not the most elegant kind of activity, but -as Einstein once remarked- if you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

And in terms of the truth, I don't consider myself an expert on the matter. But I am no layman either. After all, who would have the courage to refer to himself as a layman, the object of ignorance? No, I am not here to speak on behalf of the women who sleep with me, nor am I here to unravel the mysterious riddle that is the mind of a woman. I simply don't have the answers. For a man who truly understands a woman's mind, is a man free of problems. And I am not that man… yet.

So what kind of man am I then? A complicated one would be an accurate answer, yet it wouldn't clarify anything. All that is complicated is rooted in that which is simple, because even a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. In terms of the obvious, it wouldn't surprise me if people would think wrong of me. But how accurate would that be? The fact that I don't see problems is all a matter of crossing boundaries, pushing the social norms, see what I can or can't get away with. This has nothing to do with being a “player”; it's about playing with the dynamics of life itself! But is that argument powerful enough to persuade you that I'm a decent and “nice guy”? Hardly, because arguments can be used to persuade and persuasive techniques can be used in arguments. However, the fact that a hammer can be used to pound in screws does not make it a screwdriver.

The real truth is that everyone wants to get laid, so without further ado; the moment of truth... making the call. Even if you are drunk, you still kind of realize what you are about to do. And there is not much romance about it. When -or more realistically if- she answers the phone, you cannot fuck it up. Because if you do, you won't get laid. But it never hurts to try right? ;) So should you try to ever make a booty call in the latest hour of the night, here are some pointers: 1) Don't repeat yourself as drunk people generally tend to do. 2) Even if you are the humble subject in a state of drunkenness, don't come across as needy, for it communicates low value. Don't sound needy, pay close attention to your vocals, your intonation. 3) There is no use in logically persuade her to have sex with you. Don't convince her to have sex with you based solely on words; touch upon her emotions, yet stay confident and sincere. She has to feel it. After all, he who enlists a woman's mind wields a power even greater than the sword or the scepter. 4) Believe in what you tell her. Speak from the heart, better yet; speak from the soul. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you express your true intentions and feelings -even if they seem indecent to most of us- she will often respond positively, simply because you speak with a truthful tongue; a tongue that will lead her to orgasm after orgasm.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you approve or disapprove of the psychological phenomenon ‘booty calls’. Fact is, phones are ringing every night. And why shouldn't they be ringing every night? Booty calls are very much alive today and are as real as real love could ever be. Not to compare one-night stands to deep feelings of love; why is such a comparison needed if the underlying principle remains continuous?: we all want to give love and be loved in return. That alone ought to be a moral justification of making booty calls. For it indeed is very hard to find true love, compared to how easy it is to dial a friend's number.

It is so, as long as we don't find our definition of love, perhaps one-night stands is the next best thing?

And perhaps one day I will call you in the middle of the night. Would you answer the phone?