Recently, G. wrote the post 'Why so pussy...' and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the fact that men are from Mars and women from Venus. Obviously this is just a popularized phrase, yet it is one that everyone seems to understand without understanding it. In light of keeping it worldly, I decided to share some funny stories here on the www and when I say funny it means it's funny to me and it might not be to you. If it's not, then what are you doing here?
Act 1: de Bijenkorf
This is what should have happened:
On the third floor of the Bijenkorf there is a tailor/steaming service. I was there to pick up my suit when all of the sudden I see this girl in a dress. I'm not an expert on dresses, but it seemed like some sort of prom dress/ gala dress to me. She looked great in it and she had a killer body. She was there to customize the dress. I had to say something, otherwise I would regret it. It doesn't happen to me that often that I meet a 10, so I said to her: "Hi, you look beautiful in that dress. Are you going to wear it when we go out tonight?" She starts smiling and she has a beautiful smile too. I think I'm in love. "Sure!" she says, "But only if you wear that suit ;)" We meet in the evening, both dressed up and it wouldn't be long before we undressed.
This is what really happened:
The first part is actually true. And it's also true that I said something, simply because I had to say something. So I said: "Nice dress!" And she was smiling at me as if she wanted me to say more. But I didn't. I just said she had a nice dress, which was true, but after that I ran out of words to say. Why didn't I continue the conversation? What more could I have said to her? It doesn't happen to me often that I don't know what to say once I start talking. I guess I was overwhelmed by her looks, which also doesn't happen to me that often. Of course, afterwards I came up with 1000 things that I could have said. If only I had more time. But time is money and time is always running out, so I picked up my suit and walked away… stupid.
Act 2: still de Bijenkorf
As I was taking the escalator and contemplating about what just happen (or didn't happen), I was surprised that I didn't escalate the situation. In the same time however, life goes on and I shouldn't dwell in the past for too long. So as I was about to leave the Bijenkorf I see this other girl, an employee of de Bijenkorf, who also looked extremely hot. She was a brunette with Eastern European features, well dressed and obviously every guy would notice the well shaped form of her tits. I think I'm in love again ;P. Note: she was petite and probably has silicones, but it wouldn't be the first time that I've been with a girl with silicones and it surely wouldn't be the last time. What's wrong with fake tits? Nothing. I had nothing to lose, so I opened and asked her: "Excuse me, where can I find the Armani Attitude? (of course I knew where to find it, since I bought it 1000 times before; it’s only an opener). "Right over there." she said, pointing at the Giorgio Armani section. Eye contact was set. So I walked over to the Armani section, sprayed some Attitude on me, walked back to this girl and asked her if she liked the scent. She leaned towards my neck to smell it and she said she liked it (obviously she has to say it, because she works there). We started talking about perfumes and she recommended me to try out Gucci by Gucci. Before I knew it, I asked her what time she finishes work. "At 6" she said. "Sounds good, why don't I pick you up around 6 so we can go somewhere for a drink?" I said. "Wow, you're fast. Are you always this progressive?" she asked me. "No, I usually ask for the number first. Can I have yours?" "Sure, here it is." she said.
Here's what really happened:
She never gave me her number.
Act 3: Victoria Hotel, Lounge
What should have happened:
My bro and myself had a long day in the center and wanted to chill and have a drink at the lounge of Victoria Hotel, which is one of my favorite places to relax. As we were clowning around the way we always do, I notice a girl who is eyefucking me. No, it's not my imagination, she was continuously eyefucking me on an interval basis, because that's how the dynamics of eyefucking operate. Our table was in the middle of the room and she was with her mother (or aunt or older female friend, I guess) in the corner table on my left. I knew that she would go along with my game if I would start, but the “problem” is that her table is all the way in the corner and our table was in the middle. The other “problem” was that she was with her mother, who by definition ought to cockblock me. But fear not, because I fear nothing. So I walked to their table, directed myself to the mother and said: "I'm sorry for interrupting your conversation, but I couldn't help noticing that your daughter has the most beautiful smile. It would be my pleasure to show her around Amsterdam, if that's ok with you of course." "My oh my," the mother said, "Well of course it is. I'm sure my daughter would love to be in the company of such a polite and charming young man such as yourself!" I introduce myself both to the mother and the daughter. Not long after that, the daughter and myself disappear into the night. The next morning she wakes up next to me in bed and tells me she loves Amsterdam. Well, Amsterdam loves you too.
My bro and myself had a long day in the center and wanted to chill and have a drink at the lounge of Victoria Hotel, which is one of my favorite places to relax. As we were clowning around the way we always do, I notice a girl who is eyefucking me. No, it's not my imagination, she was continuously eyefucking me on an interval basis, because that's how the dynamics of eyefucking operate. Our table was in the middle of the room and she was with her mother (or aunt or older female friend, I guess) in the corner table on my left. I knew that she would go along with my game if I would start, but the “problem” is that her table is all the way in the corner and our table was in the middle. The other “problem” was that she was with her mother, who by definition ought to cockblock me. But fear not, because I fear nothing. So I walked to their table, directed myself to the mother and said: "I'm sorry for interrupting your conversation, but I couldn't help noticing that your daughter has the most beautiful smile. It would be my pleasure to show her around Amsterdam, if that's ok with you of course." "My oh my," the mother said, "Well of course it is. I'm sure my daughter would love to be in the company of such a polite and charming young man such as yourself!" I introduce myself both to the mother and the daughter. Not long after that, the daughter and myself disappear into the night. The next morning she wakes up next to me in bed and tells me she loves Amsterdam. Well, Amsterdam loves you too.
What really happened:
I wasn't bold enough to interrupt the conversation between mother and daughter, even though she would rather have a conversation with me, hence the eyefucking. Although I didn't approach her directly, my bro -who was pushing me to make a move- and I came up with a plan that I would take a seat at the bar near her in order to “naturally” start an “innocent” conversation. So as I took a seat at the bar, she looked at me and smiled, as if she was relieved that I finally made a move. One second before I wanted to open my mouth, the bartender cockblocks me, telling me the bar is closing and I have to pay. I didn't had any cash on me, so I had to pay with card. However, the cash dispenser was all the way at the other end of the bar. So without making a whole fuzz about it, I paid the bill and we left. And by 'we' I don't mean the daughter and me.
Moral of the story:
Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm getting rejected 24/7. The opposite in fact is true. These are just the main “failures” I had lately. I could have written a success-story with the same ease, but I don't want to hurt your feelings ;P. It's very easy and perhaps better for my image to write about my successes, but I'm caring less and less about a concept as meaningless as 'image'. I care about learning from mistakes and ironically I don't even call them mistakes. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. It's as simple as that. And in terms of learning, there is not much to learn from success, but there is a great deal to learn from failures. It's like Russell Crowe once said: "If you're not thinking about pussy, then you're just not concentrated." How concentrated are you?
