Thursday, May 27, 2010

A.'s advice

You're not my type.

It's such a ridiculous phrase it should be a punchline.

When a girl rejects you, she often uses the infamous "you're not my type"-line. but what exactly does she mean? does it mean that she doesn't like how you look? does it mean she doesn't like your personality? does it mean she doesn't like the way you walk, talk or behave? I really never understood what it meant. what the hell does she mean with "type"??

Unless she is Sigmund Freud or some sort of psychoanalyst, she probably doesn't even know herself what she means when using the word "type"! matter of fact, there is no such thing as "type". people can not be grouped into types as if they belong in a deck of playing cards, categorized in clubs, diamonds, hearts or spades. no, there are no "type" of persons. every person is unique and therefore the phrase "you're not my type" has no valid meaning.

It means nothing. the only purpose it serves, is that it is a polite way of telling that she is not interested in you. so when a girl tells you that you are not her type, she basically says "fuck off, I'm not interested." that is the only reality of it.

But then.. as was clear to me what the words meant, I started thinking "but why would she not be interested in me?" I've always believed that I am at least in the top 10.000 most interesting people alive (there are about 7 billion people inhabiting mother Earth, so 10.000 is a fair number), so why would she not take the chance to find out who I am? hahaha I realize after I typed this last line how arrogant it must sound, but that is not the point.

The point is that when a girl tells you that you are not her type, don't take it personally. I have a friend who was rejected by a girl one time because he wasn't "her type". I told him to ask her what she meant by it. she couldn't give the poor guy a decent answer. and although she didn't give him a proper response, I understand why she might have said it. she probably doesn't want to "give in" so easily (even if she wants it herself). truth is that girls need to be very careful who they allow inside of them. it's an evolutionary thing that stems from the primal ages, when women needed to be very cautious in choosing a sex partner. after all, they might end up having to raise the offspring singlehanded.

My advice to you: if you ever find yourself in the cryptic position to be told that you are not "her type", just ignore the obscure words and continue the conversation. by doing so, you demonstrate higher value; you are not affected by her ambiguous words. you show that you are confident enough to still lead the interaction and thus preserve the power. it shows that you don't necessarily need to be her type. and exactly therein lies its magic. because if you don't need to be her type, she often wants you to be her type.

Having this in mind, you'll be amazed how often a girl's perception of you will turn 180 degrees. within 5 minutes you can change from the "not her type" into the "precisely her type". that's right, if you play your cards right (make no mistake, it's all a game) you can change ice into fire; you can change the moon into the sun; you can change darkness into the brightest light ever to shine upon the stars in heaven.

Less than a week ago, I experienced this "transformation" myself. I was flirting with this girl and at one point she tells me that I'm not her type.. but later that same night she was riding me as if there was no tomorrow.. pretty good for a guy who isn't her type right? this demonstrates that the "you're not my type"-hypothesis must be rejected. the line is invalid. there is no "type". as the French poet Charles Baudelaire once said so meticulously:

"There are many types of beauty, but I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy."

With love,

A.