Update

Things went very fast. last weekend i was at karate camp. you think training at the U.S. Army is hard? try training karate for all day -to the fullest; beyond your limits- from 6.30 till 18.30. you evolve yourself physically as well as mentally. you train for all weekend under strict regulations together with 80 other karateka's. in the evening, when everyone is tired and exhausted, we don't go to sleep. not yet; we're going to philosophize about Genwakai Karate and its purpose and continuation. the point of our karate camp is to focus purely on training. cell phones, smoking, alcohol etc. is not allowed. when you eat; knife and fork are used with the other hand, when you are right-handed; you brush your teeth with left and vice versa, all to break out of your daily habits and rituals.

On Sunday, when everyone can barely stand straight, the examinations take place. i also did exam and i passed. i'm now one rank away from Shodan (black belt). when i came home -all broken and damaged :)- i slept like a little baby. it was the best night of my life ;)

But what happened yesterday.. you wouldn't believe it.. i have difficulties believing it myself.. i never felt so miserable and fucked up.. one of the darkest days in the history of mankind..

Tomorrow (14 May) we were supposed to go on vacation to Sweden. but today i had to fucking cancel the trip!!! yesterday we were at the casino and we thought it would be a wise thing to win some money so that we could chill to the fullest in Sweden. to make a very long and painful story short: i lost € 2200....

Once again: € 2200 !!!

It feels so fucking unreal.. i promised myself i'm not going to play for a whole year. next time i'm going to the casino will be on 12 May 2010. on that day, i'll have my vengeance.. it's a promise! i really felt bad and i even called my ex W., because her voice always calms me down. thing is that i didn't talk with her -not once- for almost half year and when i heard the words 'hello? hello?', i came to my senses and hung up the phone..

I cant believe we're not going to Sweden anymore.. i was looking forward for this trip for a LONG time and then i had to be so stupid to gamble like a fucking addict. imagine what you can do with € 2200.. i could have my iMac now!!!

Het balletje kan soms raar rollen

But what happened, happened. it makes no sense to feel miserable about it now, because today is already a new day. and tonight i'll meet a girlfriend, so everything is okidoki ;)

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn."

A.