What really matters...

Before I went to bed, I drank a Red Bull and I couldn't sleep.. I was thinking about my time here in Leeds, England. I've been here now for about half a year and I was contemplating about the time I've spend here.

I didn't know what to expect of me studying abroad, before I came here. I knew Leeds was a party-city with a lot of students -who don't mind showing off their drinking skills-. the first couple of weeks, I didn't study: only partying.

But after a while, I got bored. I've been to the pubs, I've been to the clubs and of course to the infamous student-flat party's. all nice and fun, but I didn't feel it was worth blogging about... if I were to post a blog every time I went to a party, I would have 150 posts by now...

So if that is not worth blogging about, than what is?

Given the fact that I'm now high on Red Bull, I think very clearly in this moment and I got a realization of what is truly important in my life. what really matters...

It is you! my family and friends! this post is dedicated to the small circle of important people in my life: my family and my real friends!

First of all, I want to thank my parents for bringing me into this world. in all my life, you were the ones who gave me all the chances and opportunities and I am deeply thankful for you always supporting me. of course I could never state in words how grateful I am for everything you ever did for me... I know you spoiled me very much, but don't think I don't appreciate it.
-Papa, when I was young -7 years old- and we went to this birthday party and that guy asked me: "so A., who is your hero?" I looked at you with a smile and I answered the guy: "my father." this is still true today. you are my hero, my example. you teach me valuable life lessons, lessons that I will teach my own children.
-Mama, you've helped me out so much, I don't even know where to begin with thanking you! in many ways, you have made it possible for me to expand my horizon.. ever since we were kids, you took us all around the world and I've seen many great places. when I needed something, you never let me down.
My brothers and best friends D. & E., for more than 20 years, we see each other every day. ever since we were little kids, always hanging out doing little kids stuff. today, nothing has changed ;P. we still do the most stupidest things; we play, we laugh, we fight, we grow!
-D., your heart is in the right place. I have no doubts that you will find your way.
-E., of all the people I know, you are probably the most like me. we have a lot of telepathy, we think alike, but yet, we are also very different. and yes, you are a true source of inspiration.

What is a Samurai warrior without his sword?
What is a hot girl without a beautiful smile?
What is a t-bone steak without pepper and salt?
What good is the sun without the shine?
Indeed, what good is a man without real friends?

-J., you are one of best friends. a solid-rock genuine real friend. I appreciate your honesty, even when I don't want to hear it ;). I appreciate your character; you are pure and true. you are probably my closest friend since high school! always doing RAAR, always terrorising the class ;). when I was forced to choose another school, you just came along with me, like a true soldier. I'll never forget this. it's all good with us. I don't have to use many words.
-G., we usually never show each other our "soft-side" (maybe we have to keep up the "macho-image" ;p), but I think you know that you are very important to me. it's like every time we do something, it's just grande! not just "good" or "great": no, when we spend time, it is GRANDE! of course we have the occasional beef (maybe it's the "macho-thing"), but I know you are a good guy. when we chill, we chill carpe diem style! you are always down with everything, nothing is too crazy for you and you really live by your statement: impossible is nothing. I respect this a lot!
-My girl J., I'm crazy in love!
-My ex-girl W., I know we don't talk as much as we used to (every day on the phone for 3-4 hours ;p) and you have no idea how much I miss contact with you. but like I told you before, I want to have time for being me. I know we'll see each other again one day and who knows what the future brings.. all I know is that you are a true friend and I know I can always count on you..
-My childhood friends P. & M., of all my friends, I've known you the longest. with you we spend our "golden childhood years". I'll never forget this. when we see each other, it's just like the old days. those were some good days man ;p many more of those to come..
-Last but not least, A., you are my room-mate now for the last couple of months here in Leeds and if it wasn't for you, my time here would not be the same.. I couldn't think of a better room-mate (our other room-mates are.... hahaha you know what's going on here in this house ;P)

So yeah, this is what's going on. this blog is a tribute to those of you who are important to me. you are within my circle of family and close friends and I love all of you!

Ow yes, speaking of family.. I also want to pay tribute to the tv show Family Guy. it is the funniest comedy ever! (I don't know if that is a good or a very sad thing ;p) some people find Family Guy just stupid and ridiculous, but I think it's very creative. Peter Griffin is just fucking hilarious! when I look at him, I immediately start smiling. his humour is out of this world! and Stewie is just incredible.. you gotta appreciate the little man with the dark humour.. and Brian, nothing but respect for this dog!

So in short: love for the family, friends and Family Guy!

But I think the Red Bull has done its magic by now. It's 05.15 AM, I'm tired and I have college in 4 hours...

Do I go to school? or do I stay home and sleep?...

Read it in the next blog of AJS to find out... ;)

Update

--- Spending quality time with my girl A. ---

This week I spend so much time with this lovely girl. as a matter of fact, I'm going to her right now to have one last moment together before I go on vacation. yes, you read it correctly; tomorrow I'll be in Brazil!!! A., these last few days were great and I'll miss you. remember what I said..


--- Opening of Amsterdam's newest club: Club Prime ---

I've been there twice this week and I already LOVE it there.

Why?

1: because of the two girls from Iceland > one sings like an angel and the other one.. ;)..
2: because of D. > a half French, half Polish girl who used some very cheap pick-up lines on me. but I'm still a guy so I had to play along ;)
3: because of R. > I got her phone number because I really want to get to know her better. I asked her: ''can you do something very important for me? can you send me a text message when you are safe back home?'' I understand that the only thing you really want to do, is to have sex with her. of course you could say "do you want to have sex with me tonight?" very straight and very direct -you think I make a joke?? you would be surprised how often they say YES!! but often, you need to say something "sweet" like the thing with this text message; to show her that you care about her well-being.

--- My last night as an employee at Club Escape ---

I worked in Amsterdam's most popular nightclub for almost a year and now it's time for more serious matters. I'll never forget all the fun things that happened there. I'm not going into details about all the situations with friends and lovers, because what happens in Escape, stays in Escape..

--- Love ---

I'll not be blogging for a while, because I'll be in Brazil for the next month. maybe once or twice I'll post something to keep you informed about my whereabouts ;). I'm going to miss all of you, especially E., D., B., E., J., A., A. you know who you are.

With love,

A.

Thoughts

This was a day of thoughts. i think so much lately, its almost like sporting now. i'm thinking about life and how i want my life to be. i have so many dreams and goals but i'm still so young and i don't see things clear and how i can reach it. my main thoughts are -how else can it be- about the love of my life... the situation has escalated so much that i fear the outcome. i'm already imagining life without her!! its not even that i want it to be like that, but i'm afraid its slipping out of my hands. every time i talk to her, i'm just getting destructive and so is she. and we are both too proud to be mature and take the upper hand of the situation. i didn't call her for many days and everyday that i don't call her, i feel sick to my stomach. i want nothing more than to just listen to that beautiful voice (she really has a nice, nasal voice and when we talk i even get horny :P). i love to listen to her and to look at her, but in the same time she hates me for what i did... God knows -and i don't even believe in the holy man/woman) that she is the most valuable girl to me and she really is my favorite person of all! i know this girl as a sweet angel, but lately i have seen a side of her that makes me be afraid to show myself to her. its the kind of girl who would climb mountains just to make you happy, the kind of girl who would cross oceans just to make you smile, but its also the kind of girl that will drop you like a meaningless brick... its so overwhelming that i cant think straight.

I can go on and on about this girl and i can say for a fact that she is my other half. i know that she feels the same about me, but she reminds me time after time that i have to keep impressing her. she makes me be aware of the fact that all those good things about her, can also be to someone else, if i don't take care of her... now comes the twist... i'm very proud and stubborn and i'm pushing my buttons with this girl... its so childish of me and totally not mature, but yet i get 'pushed' in this defensive mode, while i don't even wanna be there...

And its not even that i don't know what to do, its just that i want her to 'appreciate' every little thing what i do (i'm very result-driven and if i don't see any result -even when in fact it is there- than i get angry, like a small child who doesn't get what he wants immediately). for example, already 5 times by now, i sent her flowers via the post. i don't wanna go into details, but my wallet got hurt during the transaction ;) already after this, i expected her to naively fall in love all over again and she would be floating on the clouds. hahaha if only things were that easy ;) just a flower and a drink ;) besides that, one of my mayor character flaws is my lack of patience. so she is really putting me to the test.
she knows that there is nothing that i wouldn't do for her, its just that i want us to already be at the point that i have in my mind. for example now, i have to wait 3 weeks before i can see her, because she goes to fucking India. i mean, i know that she wants to see the magical Sai Baba, but doesn't she wants to experience some of my own Indian tantra magic? :P and of course she wants to see the Taj Mahal, but i wanna see her Taj Mahal (A). if only i could see her one day and one night in a row, i could really establish something. even such a 'normal thing' (between a couple) is so difficult because of the (long-distance)situation and her living with her parents -who happen to hate me-.

Maybe i shouldn't be so stubborn and spoiled and just make her see that i can be her prince on a white horse, but in this case it would be a old, Grey donkey... my white horse is just waiting to jump, but she wants me to fly with an old Grey donkey.
sounds impossible? > I'm possible.

To be continued...

Yesterday was a fun day!

I woke up yesterday morning and i felt it would be a good day. the sun was chirping and the birds were shining. after i ate breakfast, i went to the bookstore and i bought the book 'Liefhebben' (To love). its not a book about about romance, but about how to reach 'supernatural sexuality'. basically its a book about how to improve your sex life/sex skills or however you wanna call it. not that i necessarily need improvement, but i think that one is never old enough to learn ;).
i bought this book with coupons that i won at my university. there was a kind of 'contest' and you could win 20 euro book-coupons. the contest was about knowledge of literature and you had to use the knowledge you had about books and authors and then create your own 'point of view'. of course i knew how to impress the girl who was the judge and she told me i was the winner and within 15 minutes i got my 20 euro coupons ;)

So like i was saying, i bought this book about sex (one of my favorite subjects) and after that i did a good deed for my brother. you see, because i'm a student i get a student-travel-card and i can use public transportation for the entire year for free. my brother doesnt have this card. so what i did, i went to the post-office to say that my card was stolen (of course it was not stolen, but i also want my brother to be able to use buses for free ;). i had to fill out a document, but i didnt know that i needed an official police stamp. so i headed to the police station and i asked for a stamp. initially they didnt wanna give me this stamp, because first i had to file a report or some shit. luckily for me, the officer in duty happened to be a female and i gave her my puppy-eyes-look :P. within 15 minutes i left the police station with a stamp on my document ;)

Later that evening i went to the cinema with one of my girlfriends. even tough the movie was not in my top-10, i enjoyed the time that i was spending there :D

hahaha the movie was really bad, but we drank 4 Smirnoff Ice so it got a bit better :P

After this delightful piece of craftsmanship, we went to De Kroon, a lounge spot next to Club Escape. we drank 4 Baileys and had nice conversations. i really enjoyed my time there, also because we spend it in a nice atmosphere.

When i came home and drank my third glass of Disaronno Originale, i was contemplating about my day. even tough my day was so nice, i cant stop thinking about my girlfriend... i almost went to Warsaw yesterday, but it feels so wrong because nothing is in place. i don't feel that i'm wanted there and i don't think that by going there, i will be able to put things in place. if only i felt that by going there, i could fix all problems, i already would be there by now. going there is not the solution.

My father once told me 'don't fight a battle when you know you'll not win'. i know that I'll not win this battle. (and i deliberately say 'battle', not 'war') because a battle can only be won if you master the situation and if luck is on your side... i don't own the situation, nor am i lucky...

I just need ONE opportunity, one real chance, one shot, one good card...

For now, its out of my hands and i can only await the move of the hands of time.

for what is time, if there is no love?
without love there is no life...
my life is you,

only you.

W. difficult

Today i was in a fight with my girlfriend. i wanted to come to Warsaw but she said she has no time for me because she has exams this week. what is more, next week she goes to India for 3 weeks with her parents so i'll not see her for another month. last time i saw her was end October!! can you believe that shit?!? she doesnt understand that i can not live without her and that i'm getting crazy here!!

We used to see each other every month!! and now i dont know if i'll ever see her again!!
what is more, it seems as if temptation around me is getting more and more.. i want to be with her so much but it seems impossible..

But like my friend G. always says: Impossible is nothing.

So i'll not cheat on her or have sex with other girls but soon this situation has to change...
after this frustrating thought, i went to the Middenweg and bought myself a nice pair of Hugo Boss shoes.


Why does love has to be so fucking complicated? all i want is to chill with my girly and take her to a nice little restaurant and talk about life, philosophy, happiness and what more and after that have a lot of sex. is that too much to ask for?


I mean, wouldnt you get crazy if you cant see such a beautiful girl?

To be continued...

New year party @ my place

It's now already 3 days ago and this is my first moment of relaxation. now i can finally write about my new year.

31 December 2008: at 11.00 my lil' brother called me and said: 'listen man, we should really do something crazy tonight. i dont wanna spend new year doing nothing'. of course i was still asleep and said: 'yeah man you're right'. and than he told me to call some people and said that we would give a party at our place tonight. i said; 'yeah man you're right' :P and we hang up the phone. i called some people -i called my friend G. and 5 girls and i said that there would be a party tonight at my place.
at 16.00 we started organizing things and purchasing things for the party. i say 'purchasing' because we didn't buy it ;) all i can say is that the self scanners at Albert Heijn are a blessing and basically we purchased € 500 on alcohol - A LOT OF ALCOHOL-, drinks, chips, pizzas etc. and we paid a total of € 75. God bless AH.

We stashed it on the balcony in my mothers house
where the party would take place later on ;)

At 20.00 we went to my fathers house where we would celebrate the countdown. we didnt do much, just some quality time with family (playing cards, playing chest, eating nice new year food etc.) at 24.00 we hugged each other and wished each other all the best for 2009...
it was in this moment when i could cry, because my girlfriend wasnt with me...
i'll tell you in time more about my girl, but what it comes down to is that she lives in Poland, Warsaw, and we have a long distance relation for 2 years already. she is the love of my live and i hate it that she couldnt be there with me.. i miss her.

(This is a picture of me and my sweety in Thailand, Koh Samui, Silver Beach)

But anyway, at 00.30 my father gave us a ride to my mother's house where the party would go on till 10.00 next morning :P hahaha the party was extremely well organized: we took the laptop downstairs with a tremendous sound system, the fireplace was on, the bottles were cold ;) and the party could begin. the first person came at 01.00 when i was still preparing myself and putting make up and all that shit ;). later, more guests came and when everyone was there (at 03.00) we were with 20 people. more people planned to come but they were drunk in Amsterdam center and didnt show up :P.

My brother and myself were the hosts of the night
and we made sure everyone had a marvelous time.

Not only did we drank, we also took the liberty to take some x. my other brother was in charge of the 'smoking area' (his room) :P all the smokers went to his room where they all used a LOT of weed/hash/vaporizer. that night he had more in his room than a coffeeshop.
later he also made food for all the guests. he made delicious salmon, very nice chicken with cocos, rice and some nice sauce.

Later that night T. was sleeping with me. she is so super sweet. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX