The game is played in the field

Best coffee in Amsterdam

How old are you? How old do you think? You look seventeen. Thank you, but I'm twenty-five. Ow, so you're the same age as me! I thought you were younger. I'm not. High five. So what could you recommend me? I never know which one to choose. This one. Alright, let's try it. By the way, where's that accent from? You look Eastern European. I'm from the South. Como estas? Bien. So what do you want? Two mint tea please. 

Excuse me, you got a lighter? Yes, I got one upstairs. Will you bring it or should he come and get it. He can come and get it.

Thanks for the lighter. Gracias señorita. It’s for you. Really? Thank you. But now I don't have anything to give you. Wait, I'll give you my number. You got a paper? Alright listen, Wednesday I finish work around six. Let's do something after that. We'll do something fun on Wednesday. Ok.

What to do on Wednesday if you never tried the best coffee in Amsterdam?

True story

Recently, G. wrote the post 'Why so pussy...' and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the fact that men are from Mars and women from Venus. Obviously this is just a popularized phrase, yet it is one that everyone seems to understand without understanding it. In light of keeping it worldly, I decided to share some funny stories here on the www and when I say funny it means it's funny to me and it might not be to you. If it's not, then what are you doing here?

  

Act 1: de Bijenkorf

This is what should have happened:

On the third floor of the Bijenkorf there is a tailor/steaming service. I was there to pick up my suit when all of the sudden I see this girl in a dress. I'm not an expert on dresses, but it seemed like some sort of prom dress/ gala dress to me. She looked great in it and she had a killer body. She was there to customize the dress. I had to say something, otherwise I would regret it. It doesn't happen to me that often that I meet a 10, so I said to her: "Hi, you look beautiful in that dress. Are you going to wear it when we go out tonight?" She starts smiling and she has a beautiful smile too. I think I'm in love. "Sure!" she says, "But only if you wear that suit ;)" We meet in the evening, both dressed up and it wouldn't be long before we undressed.

This is what really happened:

The first part is actually true. And it's also true that I said something, simply because I had to say something. So I said: "Nice dress!" And she was smiling at me as if she wanted me to say more. But I didn't. I just said she had a nice dress, which was true, but after that I ran out of words to say. Why didn't I continue the conversation? What more could I have said to her? It doesn't happen to me often that I don't know what to say once I start talking. I guess I was overwhelmed by her looks, which also doesn't happen to me that often. Of course, afterwards I came up with 1000 things that I could have said. If only I had more time. But time is money and time is always running out, so I picked up my suit and walked away… stupid.

  

Act 2: still de Bijenkorf

This is what should have happened:

As I was taking the escalator and contemplating about what just happen (or didn't happen), I was surprised that I didn't escalate the situation. In the same time however, life goes on and I shouldn't dwell in the past for too long. So as I was about to leave the Bijenkorf I see this other girl, an employee of de Bijenkorf, who also looked extremely hot. She was a brunette with Eastern European features, well dressed and obviously every guy would notice the well shaped form of her tits. I think I'm in love again ;P. Note: she was petite and probably has silicones, but it wouldn't be the first time that I've been with a girl with silicones and it surely wouldn't be the last time. What's wrong with fake tits? Nothing. I had nothing to lose, so I opened and asked her: "Excuse me, where can I find the Armani Attitude? (of course I knew where to find it, since I bought it 1000 times before; it’s only an opener). "Right over there." she said, pointing at the Giorgio Armani section. Eye contact was set. So I walked over to the Armani section, sprayed some Attitude on me, walked back to this girl and asked her if she liked the scent. She leaned towards my neck to smell it and she said she liked it (obviously she has to say it, because she works there). We started talking about perfumes and she recommended me to try out Gucci by Gucci. Before I knew it, I asked her what time she finishes work. "At 6" she said. "Sounds good, why don't I pick you up around 6 so we can go somewhere for a drink?" I said. "Wow, you're fast. Are you always this progressive?" she asked me. "No, I usually ask for the number first. Can I have yours?" "Sure, here it is." she said.

Here's what really happened:

She never gave me her number.

Act 3: Victoria Hotel, Lounge

What should have happened: 

My bro and myself had a long day in the center and wanted to chill and have a drink at the lounge of Victoria Hotel, which is one of my favorite places to relax. As we were clowning around the way we always do, I notice a girl who is eyefucking me. No, it's not my imagination, she was continuously eyefucking me on an interval basis, because that's how the dynamics of eyefucking operate. Our table was in the middle of the room and she was with her mother (or aunt or older female friend, I guess) in the corner table on my left. I knew that she would go along with my game if I would start, but the “problem” is that her table is all the way in the corner and our table was in the middle. The other “problem” was that she was with her mother, who by definition ought to cockblock me. But fear not, because I fear nothing. So I walked to their table, directed myself to the mother and said: "I'm sorry for interrupting your conversation, but I couldn't help noticing that your daughter has the most beautiful smile. It would be my pleasure to show her around Amsterdam, if that's ok with you of course." "My oh my," the mother said, "Well of course it is. I'm sure my daughter would love to be in the company of such a polite and charming young man such as yourself!" I introduce myself both to the mother and the daughter. Not long after that, the daughter and myself disappear into the night. The next morning she wakes up next to me in bed and tells me she loves Amsterdam. Well, Amsterdam loves you too.

What really happened:

I wasn't bold enough to interrupt the conversation between mother and daughter, even though she would rather have a conversation with me, hence the eyefucking. Although I didn't approach her directly, my bro -who was pushing me to make a move- and I came up with a plan that I would take a seat at the bar near her in order to “naturally” start an “innocent” conversation. So as I took a seat at the bar, she looked at me and smiled, as if she was relieved that I finally made a move. One second before I wanted to open my mouth, the bartender cockblocks me, telling me the bar is closing and I have to pay. I didn't had any cash on me, so I had to pay with card. However, the cash dispenser was all the way at the other end of the bar. So without making a whole fuzz about it, I paid the bill and we left. And by 'we' I don't mean the daughter and me.

Moral of the story: 

Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm getting rejected 24/7. The opposite in fact is true. These are just the main “failures” I had lately. I could have written a success-story with the same ease, but I don't want to hurt your feelings ;P. It's very easy and perhaps better for my image to write about my successes, but I'm caring less and less about a concept as meaningless as 'image'. I care about learning from mistakes and ironically I don't even call them mistakes. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. It's as simple as that. And in terms of learning, there is not much to learn from success, but there is a great deal to learn from failures. It's like Russell Crowe once said: "If you're not thinking about pussy, then you're just not concentrated." How concentrated are you?

Are booty calls morally justified?

No, I am not here to talk about the fact that I called a girl the other night and asked her to take a taxi to my place. On which she responded that she didn't had money for a taxi, on which I stated that I would pay -though I didn't do that-. Still she replied in my favor, followed by her arrival some minutes later, which ended up in the activity better known as sexual intercourse.

No, I am not here to tell you that. I am here to tell you to never do that when you are drunk.

I don't know what it is, but it seems there is a trend going on regarding the phenomenon ‘booty calls’. Though I incorrectly speak of trend in the literal sense of the word -after all, booty calls were made ever since the first mobile phone was a fact- it is still kind of new to me. I used to have a girlfriend for a long time, so I never had to make booty calls. Yet those days are fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on my mood- over. Now even I have uncovered the magic of making booty calls. And making magic is precisely the purpose of making booty calls.However, what interests me is not so much what happens after the booty call -sex happens-, my interest was awoken when I placed myself in the mind of a woman. I started thinking why would a girl I hardly know pick up the phone at 4 o' clock in the night -let alone take a taxi to my place- only to take me to greater heights? What girl in her right mind would do such a thing? My guess is a lot of girls. Matter of fact, many more than you might think. Yes, and even those who you at least expect of doing such an “indecent deed”. Or perhaps I am wrong; maybe all girls who sleep with me are out of their mind? But that would mean that a lot of girls are out of their mind. And that would imply a strong correlation between a girl's attractiveness and her mental insensibility, which I tend to believe is not the case.

But who am I to speak about motivations to make booty calls? Who am I to speak about late night summons to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis? For let there be no misunderstanding: a booty call is not an invite to a movie or a dinner, not just coffee, not a casual get-together; just a plain old-fashioned “let's fuck”. Perhaps not the most elegant kind of activity, but -as Einstein once remarked- if you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

And in terms of the truth, I don't consider myself an expert on the matter. But I am no layman either. After all, who would have the courage to refer to himself as a layman, the object of ignorance? No, I am not here to speak on behalf of the women who sleep with me, nor am I here to unravel the mysterious riddle that is the mind of a woman. I simply don't have the answers. For a man who truly understands a woman's mind, is a man free of problems. And I am not that man… yet.

So what kind of man am I then? A complicated one would be an accurate answer, yet it wouldn't clarify anything. All that is complicated is rooted in that which is simple, because even a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. In terms of the obvious, it wouldn't surprise me if people would think wrong of me. But how accurate would that be? The fact that I don't see problems is all a matter of crossing boundaries, pushing the social norms, see what I can or can't get away with. This has nothing to do with being a “player”; it's about playing with the dynamics of life itself! But is that argument powerful enough to persuade you that I'm a decent and “nice guy”? Hardly, because arguments can be used to persuade and persuasive techniques can be used in arguments. However, the fact that a hammer can be used to pound in screws does not make it a screwdriver.

The real truth is that everyone wants to get laid, so without further ado; the moment of truth... making the call. Even if you are drunk, you still kind of realize what you are about to do. And there is not much romance about it. When -or more realistically if- she answers the phone, you cannot fuck it up. Because if you do, you won't get laid. But it never hurts to try right? ;) So should you try to ever make a booty call in the latest hour of the night, here are some pointers: 1) Don't repeat yourself as drunk people generally tend to do. 2) Even if you are the humble subject in a state of drunkenness, don't come across as needy, for it communicates low value. Don't sound needy, pay close attention to your vocals, your intonation. 3) There is no use in logically persuade her to have sex with you. Don't convince her to have sex with you based solely on words; touch upon her emotions, yet stay confident and sincere. She has to feel it. After all, he who enlists a woman's mind wields a power even greater than the sword or the scepter. 4) Believe in what you tell her. Speak from the heart, better yet; speak from the soul. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you express your true intentions and feelings -even if they seem indecent to most of us- she will often respond positively, simply because you speak with a truthful tongue; a tongue that will lead her to orgasm after orgasm.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you approve or disapprove of the psychological phenomenon ‘booty calls’. Fact is, phones are ringing every night. And why shouldn't they be ringing every night? Booty calls are very much alive today and are as real as real love could ever be. Not to compare one-night stands to deep feelings of love; why is such a comparison needed if the underlying principle remains continuous?: we all want to give love and be loved in return. That alone ought to be a moral justification of making booty calls. For it indeed is very hard to find true love, compared to how easy it is to dial a friend's number.

It is so, as long as we don't find our definition of love, perhaps one-night stands is the next best thing?

And perhaps one day I will call you in the middle of the night. Would you answer the phone?

A.'s advice

I have, like so many before me, asked myself the same question: "is life determined by destiny, patterned in the holds of superstition and fatalism, or does life resemble the dynamics of a game of roulette?" is everything what is now, meant to be what is now? is the course of the future bound to its historical fate? or is it all a mere matter of randomness? what are the chances?

As an extraordinary contributor of wisdom, Peter L. Bernstein, was sharp to point out: questions only lead to the need of more knowledge, not knowing that it is precisely the need of more knowledge that further complicates answers to those same questions.

Does it really matter to ask ourselves whether life is regulated by destined forces in the heavens? or should we interpret everything as luck, a concept so many gamblers today rely upon? indeed, should we look for answers in the clouds, rainy and stormy as they so often are? or should we dare to accept that the answer is within us as it has been for centuries?

If everything is a matter of luck, taking chances would be a meaningless exercise. invoking luck obscures truth, because it separates the event from its cause. when we say that someone has fallen on bad luck, we relieve that person of any responsibility for what has happened. when we say that someone has good luck, we deny that person credit for the effort that might have led to the happy outcome. but how sure can we be? was it fate or choice that decided the outcome? what are the chances?

Over the years I have been asking myself the same questions people -in the search of their forefathers- asked themselves since the beginning of our concept of time: what was before all of this? how did it all started? where did our obsession with the beginning of time came from? note that all of the above questions of central importance imply a perspective towards the past, instead of to the future. we take such pride in proving all sorts of phenomena that we often forget to look at what the future might bring. for many of us, the future is but an empty concept, an unknown guess at its best. we logically believe we can not control time, for none of us are born with the ability to foresee the future.. none of us are blessed with the hands of time.

How wrong we are.

Time is a controllable force, it is a means to slaughter the "mysteriousness" of the future; it is a means to create a future of prosperity; no; a future of enlightenment.

Still, my words leave little impression on the ears of those blinded by the voice of the past. my words are but voiceless eyes to those who passively hear.

The future is as unpredictable as is the chance of hitting black at the roulette table. it is only a matter of chance. a matter of good luck you might say. still, few of us doubt that Bill Gates -at once the richest man alive- became a wealthy citizen by just good luck.

If in the end luck is all we can be sure of, it surely is not to come to a lucky ending.

Though the very subject of this blog is a humble effort in providing guidance, I do not advice you to take my advice. after all, advice is precisely that what has come to be known as politics, whereby practitioners of the art -politicians; or "sorcerers" some prefer to call them- try to manifest their views of reality; a same sort of reality Herr Hitler believed in when justifying the killing of millions of innocent human beings. never take advice without consulting the oracles of logic. there is a rational reason the word advice contains the word vice, the notion of immorality.

Immorality, a word with a life of its own. it always fascinated me how often the word has been used for individual justification of something that reaches further than just the person who uses the word. nobody wants to act in accordance with immorality, so when uncertainty finds its way through the timeless path we call "life", we consult the prophets of the past for moral justification rather than the powerful oracles of human logic and reason. am I unreasonable now to utter such immoral words?

Immorality, a word with a life of its own. it always fascinated me how often the word has been used to describe me. indeed, according to many -but what is to be called "many" in a universe that counts more stars than men and women?- I am everything that stands for the hedonistic society of selfishness and individual quest for reaching happiness; "modern society" is how modern economists would call it. indeed, I think of myself long before I ever dare to consider those around me; I have the certainty of the touch of one woman, yet I often find myself in the presence of temptation, unable to say no to the beauty of other women's eyes; it gives me great pleasure to find myself in a state of intoxication; to drink seas of alcohol like Dionysus, God of wine, did in order to find true happiness. whether it makes sense to assume one is to find happiness at the bottom of a glass of wine, it doesn't stop us from looking there. as far as the eye can see, as far as we expose our lungs to the poisons of the plants of the orient, hoping to find some clarity; to find a sense of meaning, a sense of order in the midst of chaos.

I have been labeled immoral by more than one. but like any self-righteous narcissist, I omit to see my reflection in the water. for it is a reflection that Narcissus himself dare not see. and it indeed is difficult to see with eyes closed.

Not too long ago, my eyes have been exposed to a view far greater than any politician nor sorcerer could ever dream of. it is a view grounded in reality, because the moving finger writes; and having writ, moves on: nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all your tears wash out a word of it.

Profound words have a tendency to manifest themselves in the history-books. yet, some words are too profound to be that simple as are some words too simple to be deemed profound. is A.'s advice the gathering of obscure words of inner wisdom? or are the words as simple as the fact that 1 + 1 = 2? if indeed, 2 it is.

A.'s advice

You're not my type.

It's such a ridiculous phrase it should be a punchline.

When a girl rejects you, she often uses the infamous "you're not my type"-line. but what exactly does she mean? does it mean that she doesn't like how you look? does it mean she doesn't like your personality? does it mean she doesn't like the way you walk, talk or behave? I really never understood what it meant. what the hell does she mean with "type"??

Unless she is Sigmund Freud or some sort of psychoanalyst, she probably doesn't even know herself what she means when using the word "type"! matter of fact, there is no such thing as "type". people can not be grouped into types as if they belong in a deck of playing cards, categorized in clubs, diamonds, hearts or spades. no, there are no "type" of persons. every person is unique and therefore the phrase "you're not my type" has no valid meaning.

It means nothing. the only purpose it serves, is that it is a polite way of telling that she is not interested in you. so when a girl tells you that you are not her type, she basically says "fuck off, I'm not interested." that is the only reality of it.

But then.. as was clear to me what the words meant, I started thinking "but why would she not be interested in me?" I've always believed that I am at least in the top 10.000 most interesting people alive (there are about 7 billion people inhabiting mother Earth, so 10.000 is a fair number), so why would she not take the chance to find out who I am? hahaha I realize after I typed this last line how arrogant it must sound, but that is not the point.

The point is that when a girl tells you that you are not her type, don't take it personally. I have a friend who was rejected by a girl one time because he wasn't "her type". I told him to ask her what she meant by it. she couldn't give the poor guy a decent answer. and although she didn't give him a proper response, I understand why she might have said it. she probably doesn't want to "give in" so easily (even if she wants it herself). truth is that girls need to be very careful who they allow inside of them. it's an evolutionary thing that stems from the primal ages, when women needed to be very cautious in choosing a sex partner. after all, they might end up having to raise the offspring singlehanded.

My advice to you: if you ever find yourself in the cryptic position to be told that you are not "her type", just ignore the obscure words and continue the conversation. by doing so, you demonstrate higher value; you are not affected by her ambiguous words. you show that you are confident enough to still lead the interaction and thus preserve the power. it shows that you don't necessarily need to be her type. and exactly therein lies its magic. because if you don't need to be her type, she often wants you to be her type.

Having this in mind, you'll be amazed how often a girl's perception of you will turn 180 degrees. within 5 minutes you can change from the "not her type" into the "precisely her type". that's right, if you play your cards right (make no mistake, it's all a game) you can change ice into fire; you can change the moon into the sun; you can change darkness into the brightest light ever to shine upon the stars in heaven.

Less than a week ago, I experienced this "transformation" myself. I was flirting with this girl and at one point she tells me that I'm not her type.. but later that same night she was riding me as if there was no tomorrow.. pretty good for a guy who isn't her type right? this demonstrates that the "you're not my type"-hypothesis must be rejected. the line is invalid. there is no "type". as the French poet Charles Baudelaire once said so meticulously:

"There are many types of beauty, but I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy."

With love,

A.

A.'s advice

Every now and then I post a blog called A.'s advice. it's not like I'm a columnist, trying to convince my readers to see my points of view. truth the matter is, this A.'s advice is a mental note for me. I write this for myself. why? because what I write in A.'s advice are all eye-openers. what I write about in A.'s advice are all about my personal moments of clarity. moments that opened my eyes and made me realize something. sometimes this realization can be as simple as understanding the dynamics of a social situation, and sometimes my realizations go way beyond my own understanding. indeed, sometimes my realizations become so abstract and difficult to grasp, but that nonetheless makes them true. not true in the objective scientific sense of the word, but they are true because they work for me. every single thing I write about in A.'s advice is valuable. I stand behind my words, I stand behind every sentence and every letter I write. I wouldn't write this down if I didn't feel it is worth writing about.

As you all know, in the last couple of years I've been actively in search of "the good life"; living life to the fullest. I'm dedicating my life living the carpe diem lifestyle. truth the matter is, most people don't accurately understand the meaning of carpe diem. they associate carpe diem with a crazy, wild, hedonistic lifestyle, full of sex, drugs and alcohol. when they speak of "seize the day", they feel like being overly outgoing or extravagant. this is not necessarily true, this is not what carpe diem entails. carpe diem is a state of mind that needs to be activated in all situations. carpe diem is a mode, a way of perceiving life. not just the wild party-life, but life in all of its aspects.

Lately I'm going out a lot. call it clubbing, call it socializing, no matter how you call it, truth is that it was just a couple of years ago that I'm fully enjoying it. before that, I didn't really knew what I was doing. I didn't feel in my element in this big scary dance-club. nobody likes to admit it. for me, -in the beginning- when I was first started going out, I had no fucking clue what to do there and how to behave. guys, we all know how it went when we were younger. we entered the club -that is, IF the doorman let us in- and once we were inside, we just stood at the side watching other people having fun. this was what clubbing was all about.

And I was not satisfied with the way things went. I thought to myself: why are other guys having so much fun, especially with girls, while I'm standing here at the side like a FOOL?!! I decided things had to change.

And things changed alright ;)

Now I myself am one of those guys who walks up to girls and starts talking with them, gaming them, getting IOI's and getting LAID the same night! so what changed? how did I start as a young guy who had no clue what to do and changed into a guy who gets regular p*ssy? the key to my success lies it the definition of this word -success-. what you have to understand is that you need to perceive yourself as a success. success is a magical concept. magical in the sense that there is no objective definition of it. success in its very nature is subjective. this means that it is subjected to you as a person. you control how successful you are. additionally, you also control how successful you want to become! success itself is an empty concept, it is you who must give meaning to it. you are the measure of your own success.

Success becomes reality by way of visualizing it. by way of imagining your thoughts and ideas regarding success and seeing it happen. you literally must SEE your success (in your mind) before it can become a real thing. you actively need to visualize what you want to achieve. the more detailed your idea, the more likely it is to happen. but be ware.. I deliberately speak of visualizing and not of fantasizing! don't fantasize about your delusional world, but visualize the world you live in and think of realistic means to modify it. it has no use to imagine the playboy-lifestyle, because those thoughts are grounded in dreamy concepts and NOT in reality. truth is, the more you can visualize your actual success, the more likely you are to get it. think about it, if you can visualize something in details, seeing it happen in real life, you WILL get it. it is not realistic to visualize leaving the club with a hot girl if you never even kissed a hot girl. it is not realistic to visualize kissing a hot girl if you don't even have the balls to approach her and talk with her in the first place! what I try to tell you is that your concepts of success need to be grounded in reality and not in dreamy concepts.

On the image above you see two philosophers; Plato on the left and Aristotle on the right. whereas Plato represents dreamy concepts of ideal forms, pointing his finger upwards to the heavens, so does Aristotle gestures to the Earth, representing a down-to-earth philosophy. the initial stage of being successful in whatever it is you do, requires self-knowledge. it requires a down-to-earth perspective of yourself grounded in reality. once you fully accept who you are, only then are you able to truly develop yourself. 

Once I realized this, my perspectives have tremendously changed. take the club-example.. nowadays when I enter a club, I immediately feel at home. matter of fact, I feel so much at home that I automatically fall in the role of a host! it's strange, but I look at my fellow-clubbers and think of them as guests in my house! this is rather peculiar, given the fact that I don't even know these people. for example the other night I was at a club, talking to a girl.. but in the same time I was socializing with other people and with the personnel. she thought that I was some kind of club-promoter and she told me she felt very comfortable in my presence. this demonstrates once again how comfortable I feel in this environment. the great thing about clubbing is that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. think about this for a second.. everything what you can think of, can become reality! THAT is my biggest eye-opener I had in a long time.. I don't have to go into details, but I can assure you that the wildest things can happen when you're in a club... and especially right after you leave. these are the things that guys standing on the side will never see.

But my realization went even further.. because if I get so much attention in this environment and if I feel so much at home in this scene, why would it be any different in another setting? indeed, when I enter a club, I immediately get a sense of home-feeling.. if I'm this successful in clubs, then I can also be this successful in "real life". my challenge: feeling like this everywhere I am and everywhere I go!!

A wise man once told me that life is one big party, you just have to hang the balloons yourself.

-Let's hang some balloons-

Lately I've been experimenting with the concept of feeling at home, and feeling comfortable, no matter where I am. in a way, this is a way of approaching life. my advice to you: from this point on, no matter where you are, or with who you spend time, make yourself feel the center of your environment, make yourself the sun that shines light upon the Earth, make yourself feel at home -no matter where you are-!!

To do this, first think about how you behave in your own environment; how do you behave at home? the first thing I do when I come home, is take off my clothes and put on a pajama. is this cool? not necessarily, but why would I want to be cool; I'm just at home. this is the paradox; you don't need to be cool, you can just wear your pajama's; you are carefree and comfortable and exactly THAT makes you be cool! try to feel at home in every building, every shop, every venue; just everywhere.

When you enter the buss, don't think of it as a scary object where you have to be quiet and just look in front of you. no, think of the buss as your house. the question you should ask yourself: how do you want to experience your buss-ride? you want to be a passive passenger, lost in his own thoughts, waiting to reach his destination? or do you want to experience the buss-ride carpe diem style? the buss IS your house. it is you. for the time that you are present in the buss, the buss is YOUR house. so what do you do? well, the first thing you could do is give a warm greet to the buss-driver. not because it's the polite thing to do, but because he is another resident of YOUR house. think of the buss-driver as a member of your family. a very important member for that matter; he is the person who will take you from point A to point B. he is your friend, the steersman of YOUR ship. once you are inside the buss, you don't need to stand all uncomfortable; why would you? you are in your house remember? just make yourself feel at home, take off your jacket and start appreciating the birds outside.

The same is true when you enter the supermarket. when I enter this big playground, the first thing I always notice are the customers who are lost in their own thoughts, always in a hurry. this is not carpe diem. carpe diem is about seizing the moment you are experiencing in the now. right now, you are in the supermarket. don't hurry, you don't need to run, there is no need for stress. you are in your house, remember? ;) if you feel like it, grab a banana and use it as a gun, shooting your girlfriend. play cowboy with her, she will like it. your supermarket-experience can be a very FUN experience. every aisle has new objects; use watermelons to play volleyball, use cola bottles and pretend it's Excalibur. there are no limits, you can do whatever you want. you are in your house. the supermarket is just a whole world full of mystery and excitement. you think I'm crazy now because I talk about the supermarket as if it's a tropical foreign country? if you think it's crazy, then clearly you don't understand the meaning of carpe diem ;).

Yesterday again an "aha-moment". I entered the university's examination-room to do my exam. university is not as easy as I make it out to be. truth is, if you don't study, you will not make it.. but to continue my story, I entered the examination-room and the first thing I noticed was a remarkable aura of nervous energy. it was absurd. I saw more than 500 of my fellow students and the expressions on their faces was that of stress. whereas when I came in, I entered the venue with a big smile on my face. why did I smile? because I felt so much at home there! I understand that exams are difficult and it's only natural to feel a healthy sense of stress and adrenalin. but don't forget to smile. don't let the stress take you over, don't let it consume you. try to open your senses to let positive energy flow through your veins. let the positive flow of carpe diem into your body, mind and soul. by doing this, your exam-grades will be so much higher than they are now.

After the exam we went to the university's restaurant and this is what happened: I noticed some fresh-baked croissants presented on a silver platter and it looked exceptionally appetizing. naturally I wanted to eat one. I walked towards the shiny silver platter and reached out for one of those delicious croissants. I held it in my hand, feeling the texture of this mouth-watering delicacy. my instinctive impulse informed me to take a bite of this croissant.. so I did. by the time I reached the pay desk, I already finished the croissant -so I didn't even pay-. the moral of this story is not that I'm a thief, the moral is that I just feel comfortable and I feel at home EVERYWHERE I am. when I'm at home and I feel like eating a croissant, I don't think, I just do. given the fact that I perceive the university's restaurant as my home, why would it be any different? to make the story even more crazy.. one of the waiters saw the whole thing and he noticed how I was devouring the croissant without paying for it. he came to me -angry- WHILE I was eating it and he asked me what the hell I'm doing. I told him that I'm eating a delicious croissant and told him to compliment the chef-cook. he got even more angry and asked me why I eat something I didn't pay for. on which I simply replied that I was hungry and I felt like eating it now, rather than to stand in the queue and eat it later. he walked away -still angry-. obviously he didn't understand the essence of carpe diem ;).

I think of a club, a buss, a supermarket and a university as big playgrounds. matter-of-fact, I perceive the entire world as one big playground. the trick is to make yourself be the main character of your world. given the topographical fact that you live on planet Earth, you must perceive the entire world as your house. if you convert this thought into decisive action, you will experience life in a completely different way. you will feel fearless; why would you be afraid in your own house? you feel extremely self-confident and comfortable in every environment; why would you feel uncomfortable in your own house?

This perspective might be a bit extreme and exaggerated, but that's ok. it's about understanding the essence of it. it's about understanding that once you feel comfortable -no matter where you are- you have more freedom and you can do whatever you want! just like in your own house, where you are free to be yourself and do whatever you want.

x A.

Stop complaining!

Complaining works counterproductive. promise yourself that from this point on, you will stop complaining; stop whining. nobody really cares about your complaints; people are far too caught up with their own issues.

Of course people often demonstrate empathy and they want to make you feel better, but deep down, they don’t give a fuck about your complaints. I see it every day all around me. people always have something to complain about: they complain about their shitty job, they complain about having no money, they complain about being single... and the list doesn't stop there...

Some facts:

-Did you know that the more you complain, the more unattractive you become?

-Did you know that the more you complain, the more people tend to avoid you?

-Did you know that the more you complain, the harder it is to stop? it is a self-fulfilling prophecy!

So for your own sake, don’t ever complain about nothing anymore!

If you are not satisfied with your current situation; don’t complain about it; do something! yes that’s right. it IS as easy as said as done. do not complain: just do! if you have a shitty job; look for a new one! if you are still single; go out more often!

Most of the time people don’t even realize just how much they complain. for example now: it’s minus 10°C outside. it is cold as fuck. every time I leave the house, my balls freeze off and my dick shrinks a few inches. indeed, I can not remember the last time it was this cold!

At the moment, it is again snowing. the grim and gloomy expressions on people’s faces say more than a thousand words... I hear them complain about the horrifying and gruesome coldness of this dark winter day...

Do you know why I’m not complaining?

...

Because they are outside in the cold and I am inside in my warm house, very comfortable in my pajama, enjoying a hot cup of coffee ;)

Do not complain; do.

A.

A.'s advice

Hey, how are you?

Many times guys (and girls) ask me what's my favourite pick up line.. they ask me things like "so what do you TELL a girl? what do you SAY to her?" when I hear this, I just start smiling.. because this question -what's your favourite pick up line?- implies that there has to be some sort of "magical sentence" that can be used time after time in order to get a girl.

Well let me tell you something. there IS in fact such a sentence...

And it IS a magical sentence...

It's a secret pick-up line, only known among the greatest of pick-up artists. it has been used by Casanova himself...

Sounds unbelievable? let me ask you this:

Always wanted to have that special girl's phone number? always wanted to have sex with that one beautiful girl from your class? always wanted to approach that one hot chick, but never felt comfortable because you didn't had that one magical pick-up line??

If you answered 'yes' to the above questions, I will hereby change your life forever...

But you must promise me that you will keep it a secret. it's not meant for everyone...

Ok here it comes... are you ready? are you ready to find out what's the one magical sentence that will get you ANY girl you want?

Here it is:

"Hey, how are you?"

...

There you have it.

Impressed?

Maybe I should repeat myself: "Hey, how are you?"

Make no mistake ladies and gentlemen. this IS world's greatest pick-up line!!! 100% success guaranteed!

Of course I know that you are highly sceptical and probably you don't even believe me. but if you analyse my words more deeply, you'll see that I'm right! it really is the best pick-up line because it ALWAYS works. BUT... (obviously there is a but)... the line is just a line.. it are four words put together in one sentence and exactly therein lies its magic. for we all know that words -spoken words- can come out in many different ways.

Example 1: imagine this guy saying "Hey, how are you?":

Example 2: and now imagine this guy saying the same thing:

Need I say more? NEED I SAY MORE? a picture says more than a thousand words and when I look at these pictures I understand why my "magical pick-up line" works for some, but doesn't work for others..

What you have to understand is that the line ITSELF always works. but more importantly, will it work when YOU say it? are these four magical words still so magical when they leave YOUR mouth?

The secret lies in the fact that it's not important WHAT you say. it's about HOW you say it. this all seems very logical and most people already know this.

But so why are those people still single?

Hmm...

Some facts:

• Communication is the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions or information by speech, writing or signs.

• There are three major parts in human face to face communication which are body language, voice tonality and words.

• 55% of impact is determined by body language; postures, gestures; eye contact etc.

• 38% by the tone of voice.

• 7% (!) by the content or the words used in the process of communication.

So if only 7% of human communication is about the actual words, what does this tell us? it tells us we should pay LESS attention to WHAT we say and MORE attention to HOW we say it. so when you interact with an attractive girl, it really doesn't matter what the hell you talk about. but it most sincerely DOES matter how you talk about it..

For those of you who didn't know it yet, I'm now in Leeds, England, for the next 4 months. I'm here as an exchange student and I'm here experimenting and playing the game. I'm here all alone (well, I got lovely roommates ;)) in a new country, meeting new people all the time. it's the perfect way to upgrade my game skills. as David D. would say it: go OUT THERE and play the game, because the game is being played in real life with real people; not in books or DVDs.

It's for this very reason that I'm flirting A LOT here; seriously all the time; every single day; it's always on!!!

Like I said before, it doesn't matter what you say to a girl. let me share some funny dialogues to show you that it really doesn't matter :P and that I still have success, despite the fact of me saying the most ridiculous things.*

Dialogue with girl#1:

me: so what's your name? she: Laura me: and what's your number? she: what? me: yeah, your phone number she: why do you want my phone number? me: because I want to stalk you and call you everyday and tell you how much I love you. she: hahaha omg you are too funny! (I got her number, but I'm not stalking her, don't worry ;)

Dialogue with girl#2:

she: so what did you do before this? me: I used to be a Kamasutra teacher she: really?? me: yes, I've been in India many times where I got my official degree.. you are now looking at a Kamasutra guru she: nooo, I don't believe you me: I wish I could show you my skills, but I don't think you could handle it she: uhu me: the first thing what I teach my pupils is to stop looking at the pictures and actually READ the material. because if you read and understand the book, you are able to grow, not only as a sexual creature, but as a human being.. she: you are playing with me. you are no Kamasutra guru! me: I know why you don't believe me. you think I just say it because I want to have sex with you. well you are right about that, I want to have sex with you she: (she giving me a naughty look and drinks from my glass) me: but.. it would jeopardize our relationship of me being the mentor and you being the student she: hahaha so now I'm your student? me: if you want to, but I'm pretty expensive. you think you can afford me? (after this conversation -believe it or not- we went to her apartment for a Kamasutra session!!!)

Dialogue with girl#3:

me: yes hahaha how many people can say that, right? she: well, you! me: and so what's the craziest place you ever had sex? she: uhmm.. me: (interrupting) can't make a choise hahaha? ;) she: well, I never had sex.. me: never? you mean you are a virgin? she: yes.. ... (2 second awkward silence) me: ow, but it's ok, I can wait ;) she: hahaha I like it, that's a good one!

Dialogue with girl#4:

she: I like red wine more me: I like red too. they say that the older the wine, the better the taste. speaking of old, how old are you? she: 24. and what about you? me: Ow I'm sorry, I'm too young for you ;).. she: (laughing) me: but maybe that guy over there likes you :P.. (me pointing at the most wussy-looking guy in the room, obviously making a joke) she: not really me: so I have to find someone who looks more like me, right? ;) she: no, you will do just fine ;)

*none of the dialogues have been altered, modified or changed. these are exact fragments of actual conversations.

As you can see, I said the stupidest things, things that "normally" would not make sense. but they all worked, not because I knew what I was SAYING; I knew what I was DOING. the point I'm making here is that you can say whatever you want and still have success! isn't that what every guy wants? being able to "be yourself" -making dumb jokes and saying stupid things- while in the same time being liked and having success? next time, when your 'approach anxiety' sets in, don't think about what you're going to say to that hot blonde standing at the bar; think about how you will walk towards her. think about how your shoes will touch the surface of the floor. think about the look in your eyes when you make eye-contact. think about your posture when you stand next to her. and then, finally, le moment suprême, ask her: "Hey, how are you?"

Go out there and make magic happen!

"Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

Love,

A.

Happy birthday E.!

20 years!! you are no longer a teenager E., it's time to be a man ;) what is a man? a man is someone who knows what he wants and doesn't apologize for achieving his goals. a man is someone who gets things done. he is the center of his group, the alpha male. he does not seek for approval, instead he lives by his own standards and is not affected by any outside turmoil. he is someone who knows how to hold and present himself in every situation. he is a coldblooded killer and he is a gentleman. he is a ferocious Samurai warrior as well as an emotional and tender lover. he is congruent; his actions mirror his beliefs. he doesn't get caught up in irrelevant forms of drama. he doesn't lose his coolness. when everyone else panics, he stays calm and makes things happen. he has a strong believe-system and a powerful mindset. he is in control of situations and protects the ones he loves.

A man should be living his life to the fullest. he must become a leader. but he shouldn't become blind for his own flaws. therefore, a good leader must be able to follow as well. it is this kind of man that i'm talking about. the kind of man who is charming, charismatic, who inspires others and who respects his family, friends and lovers. he communicates cleverly and clearly. he has a high social status and he just 'gets it'. he is able to read others and help them in any way he can. when he interacts, he doesn't solely focus on the verbal aspect; he analyzes the tone of voice and reads the body language. he is a man of humor and practical jokes and he knows how to make people feel safe, secure and how to make them laugh ;). he attracts women because he reads and speaks the secret language of sexual communication. it is this man who is not afraid to sexually please a highly attractive girl and to fulfill all her needs and wants. it is the same man who is a lover as well as a provider. he stands with a strong posture and he is the main actor of his world. he does not walk on the surface of the earth, instead; the world is moving underneath his feet when he walks. he strives for success in all area's of life and he makes himself a valuable asset to the lives of others.

Intelligence, wisdom, dominance, confidence, high levels of energy, masculinity, determination, authenticity and fearlessness are all characteristics that he owns. more importantly, he knows how to display them and he always tries to develop them to a higher level. he is a man of great fortune. not because he is 'lucky', but because he sees opportunities and acts accordingly to MAKE his own luck. what does it take to become this type of man? it is a long and never-ending process of rising and falling. 20 years ago you were given a chance to become a real man. you already achieved MANY great things and like i said in my previous blog, i foresee even greater things happening for you in the future. grand things.

Happy birthday E.!!!

Family dinner at Japan Inn (yes J., you have become part of the family ;P)
Excellent yakitori!!!

Having a drink at Leidseplein.